Learning

I'm learning, I really am.

I had learned so much and believe there was little left to be gained, and yet somehow this past week has shown me so much.

I know what to do. I know how and why and what to say. And yet I can't bring myself to do it.
"That's your problem--you're always scared of everything."
It rings in my ears every day.

But I'm not sure its fear this time, not really. Realism. Giving myself the time to be sure, to let all parties heal, to make sure the past stays in the past, never again to invade the present or future.

I will do it. But I have the sensibility to realize that another is involved, that things will not go as planned no matter how hard I try, that something will inevitably go wrong in the proceedings, that I will come out of it battered and likely losing.

And I refuse to let that stop me from trying.

Because I will be selfish in that sense, and do it for myself, because there is no point in not trying.