Running in Circles

Its beginning to feel different.

For that length of time, and I became keenly aware of the things I'd missed before, the things that had remained covered for years. The thing I miss the most is that touch.

I am still in love, admittedly, but that love has certainly changed. I regret. I regret.

My head hurts from this.

All that time, and I succeeded in being just friends. But now, after the disconnect, I feel like it was all wrong, it was a farce.

'I need to be friends with the person I'm dating.'
Those were the words and I understand them completely. I want that again; to be friends is wonderful, yet something, something important, is missing.

I haven't felt this sickness in so long, but it creeps through my abdomen now.

I don't know where to go.

Those plans I had will likely not be pursued--and not out of fear but out of the realized notion of their futility.

I am afraid to confuse this with something else. Afraid to let the other things get in the way and cloud my judgement.

But can 5 months really be wrong?

I cannot allow myself to sit back and wait anymore, but I also can't move forward because I'm not yet sure what I'm attempting to move forward to.

She hasn't forgotten; the problem is she refuses to remember.