I've returned to that state of anger, but its strangely different this time. I'm mad about things I never thought I would be mad about, and yet I've been losing sleep over it.
To say the least, I feel used; I was dragged around as if she cared for too long, when I think we both knew full well her love disappeared in my absence.
To tell me I didn't know how to be together... When she so blatantly told me she needed to maintain her autonomy. There is no pleasing her, least of all when she is actually asked for anything more than her presence. But a presence doesn't give emotional support; that hand to hold won't always suffice--as if it was ever there anyway.
So, while it might prove my hardest task yet, my newest resolution is to move on. There is nothing left in the past, nothing worth dwelling on. The best that can come is energies directed to something more useful; so many artworks float through mt head, all about her, none for her. And maybe that will prove to be my healing, maybe that can vent my frustration enough for me to be set free of all the dead weight and never return to this pitiful point.
I will always miss that love, short lived though it was. But she was right--settling is not an option.
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